HS1's English Journal

Homework – Due 8/10/14

I have decided to write a book. I couldn’t care less about whether or not you care about what I have to say, but you’re reading this, so I guess I have to say that I hope you enjoy it.

Anyway, let’s get to the point. Yesterday I went out. As I left I fed my fish, before heading out the door. ‘Keys, phone, credit card.’ I thought to myself as I checked for my essentials. I marched down the steps, onto the street and towards the station. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I felt the need to leave; a repel away from my humble abode. I found myself thinking of my Grandmother’s tortoise, Fred. A smile crept across my face.

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One response to “Homework – Due 8/10/14”

  1. jnorth Avatar
    jnorth

    Nice opening sentence. In fact, nice opening paragraph. You have captured an effective internal monologue. Good work.

    Targets:
    – look at the phrase ‘a repel away from my humble abode’ was this really what you wanted to say? It seems out of place, how mint you work this into something consistent?
    – your second paragraph begins with a quick succession of short sentences. This can make it difficult for your reader. Always re-read and edit your sentence structures.

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