Classwork – 9/10/14

I remember it; it is engraved in my memory. Scooby sundenly bolted up the valley and towards the house. Scowling winds picked up around us, shaking the trees violently. Our fire was blown out instantaneously. The temperature plummeted. Shivering in the unforgiving winds, I looked to Edmond. He looked to me. The winds halted. A thunderous sound filled the valley. It stopped. Then the snow started. It fell and fell, settling on contact with the ground. Edmond and I lookes at each other again ‘We’re leaving.’ Edmond said this boldly, trying unconvincingly to cover his fear. We ran.

Once we had reached the house, Isaac bolted into the front room and switched on the TV. ‘Come in here – quick!’ He called into the kitchen. Footage on the news showed the blazing rubble that had previously been London. The voice of a reporter spoke over the footage, explaining that a nuclear device had reduced London to nothingness. Shit.

We were alone in a dark, gloomy house – great. Edmond and Isaac went to find torches. I comforted Piper. When Isaac returned I slipped out to take my pills. Pain from the headache left me in agony. My head was spinning, my legs on the verge of collapse. ‘You’re a fucking curse!’ I screamed at my reflection. I slumped down onto the ground.


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One response to “Classwork – 9/10/14”

  1. jnorth Avatar
    jnorth

    Harry,
    Your description of the impact of your explosion is excellent. Perhaps be careful with the personification, but otherwise, the fragmented sentence structures work really well.

    Targets:
    – vary your vocabulary to avoid repetition
    – look at the clause ‘Edmond said this boldly’. This could easily become ‘Edmond said boldly’ Or ‘Said Edmond boldly’. Experiment with your phrasing and syntax to play with your flow.

React!