Coursework – ‘Innocence’

Even as I sit here now, I still ponder the possibility of the event occurring. They’re incalculable. Nil. Nought. Nothing. Being unable to work it out, that’s what I hate. Not knowing isn’t dissimilar to torture. I hate it. Anyway, I digress. Here’s what happened.

My bare feet were struck by a draft, prompting me to rise from my statuesque position behind the door. I walked to the door, opened it and stepped out into the corridor. Following my descent down the stairs, I slipped my feet into my Nike Air Max trainers, laced them up and left the house, still without socks.

I turned right. Then left. Left again. Right. Along the road. Right. I was walking briskly through the harsh, icy winds, but with no real aim. I just wanted to clear my mind. I passed the park, where just a day prior I had been playing football with my friends. I caught a glimpse of some of my other friends gathered round a table across the freshly cut grass. I sped up. I wasn’t in the mood for speaking to people.

I paused in front of the next shop I passed, thought for a moment and stepped across the threshold. Inside the corner shop, I approached the refrigerated storage unit that contained drinks, purchased an icy lemon flavoured can of Fanta and left. ’65p,’ I thought to myself, ‘What a rip-off.’

A vibrating sensation started to spread through my upper leg, it was my phone. I plunged my right arm into my trouser pocket to collect the ringing mobile device. It was mother. I brought the can of Fanta, that had been clutched in my left hand, up to my lips and took one last swig before answering mother’s call.

‘Where are you, Patrick?’ Mother sounded extremely agitated. She rumbled on about my not telling her that I went out for a solid two minutes. I can’t recall her exact words, but I can remember the tone, vividly. She was anxious, so much so that it seemed as if she was enraged. I told her that I was at the park and that I’d be a hour. I walked on.

Approximately a minute after resuming my walk I spotted a bike. Unchained. I picked up the pace, jogging towards it. Upon reaching the pedal-powered vehicle I looked around, waited until no one was watching and hopped on. At a significantly greater velocity, I continued downhill towards the old warehouses.

Upon arriving at the abandoned warehouses, I dropped the bike off onto the pavement and hurried round the side of the building. I pushed open the side door and stepped inside. Pausing for a moment to admire the artwork that had been plastered across the walls and floor, I thrust my hand into my jacket pocket, where I had placed the phone after my call with mother, brought out the device and plugged it into the portable stereo that I had left in the warehouse two days previously. The speaker erupted. ‘Those who choose to keep their eyes shut are no better of than those who cannot see…’ I turned down the volume.

Lying on the cold, hard ground in perfect silence, I emptied my mind. I occupied myself by counting off the songs on the playlist. Order. Peace. Amidst my pleasure I failed to realise the time passing. Seconds, minutes, hours, gone. Evenrually the music stopped. I awoke from my semiconscious state and walked over to the stereo situated on the other side of the room, approximately 10 metres away. Upon raising my phone to within my range of visibility I read the message displayed on the 4.7″ screen aloud, to myself. Low battery. I decided that now would be as good a time as any to return home.

As I emerged from the warehouse I noticed that the bicycle, which I had used to get there, had gone. A great sigh of irritance was released from my lungs as it dawned upon me that I would have to walk, or run, home. No longer angry, but now annoyed, I began my trek home.

With aching feet and tired legs, I trudged back along the route I came. Upon passing the park in which my friends had been gathered round a table in, I decided to take a shortcut. I walked briskly over the recently-cut grass in the general direction of my house, pausing only to readjust my course. By this point it was dark, and with nothing but the dim streetlamps of the path to guide me, I was worried.

That’s when they approached, emerging out of the shadows.


Posted

in

by

Tags:

Comments

One response to “Coursework – ‘Innocence’”

  1. jnorth Avatar
    jnorth

    Hello Harry,

    Your variation of sentence structures really helps to create a sense of your character’s voice. Well done. I have a very clear idea of setting and your character’s motives are clear.
    Targets:
    1) be careful with certain verb phrases -‘I slipped on my Nike Air Max trainers’ sounds like your character fell over.
    2) Behin to edit some of your adjective phrases, this is very well developed and follows a nice logical sequence, but sometimes less is more. What phrases can you edit to create some intrigue? Why?

React!