Classwork – 17/9/14

The boy looks up at his teacher displaying a combination of arrogance and disinterest. Slouching down into his seat, head tilting downward, gaze fixed ahead. Relaxed shoulders sink down towards the desk’s level, with arms sprawled carelessly across the aforementioned desk. A wry smile spreads across his long face.

“Donnie Darko,” the teacher begins, Donnie’s gaze shifts onto the teacher’s face as she continues, “With your recent brush with mass destruction,” Donnie’s eyes sharpen and his brow furrows. “Would you mind telling us why they would burn the money?”


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One response to “Classwork – 17/9/14”

  1. jnorth Avatar
    jnorth

    Harry,

    It seems as though you have really got the hang of showing rather than telling. On top of this, your use of dialogue really works well to break up the description. Well done.

    Targets:
    1) Re-read your second sentence – would this be better starting with a pro-noun?

    2) Is present tense right for this? Why did you choose it?

    Thanks,

    Mr North

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