Classwork – 3/9/14

Activity One:

Shaun looked up at the night sky, marvelling at the beauty of the stars. As Shaun’s mind drifted, he began to feel tired, and thus decided that it was one of those occasions on which he would have an early night. Despite his fatigue, Shaun couldn’t sleep and was perplexed because there was no real reason why he couldn’t enter a subconscious state. Due to his inability to fall asleep, Shaun decided to go and check on his pets. He picked up his flashlight and stumbled into his front room. Fish, check. Beetle, check. Shaun went back to bed.

Shaun trudged towards the Great Pyramids, dragging his legs wearily. He stopped. There was an arrow in the sand. Shaun was utterly baffled. More arrows began appearing ahead of Shaun, drawing him faster towards the pyramids. “It must be sorcery” , Shaun told himself, as he obliged with the pull of the arrows.

Activity Two:

Sobbing uncontrollably into my pillow, I reminisced about the times when I thought that I had friends. I dreamt of when in which my life wasn’t a masquerade ball; a time when everyone around me was genuine; a time when I didn’t want to lock myself away and hide. “Life isn’t fair.” I thought to myself. Rage began to surge through my veins, the tears halted their flow and a wry smile crept slowly across my face. I knew what I would do.

I stepped out of my front door, walking briskly. I turned left at the end of my drive. Then left. Then right. Right again. Left. I began to jog, moving forever faster through the park, ready to confront him.


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One response to “Classwork – 3/9/14”

  1. jnorth Avatar
    jnorth

    Hello Harry,

    The second piece is much, much stronger. You have a clear sense of purpose and it clearly adheres to the genre conventions that we have begun to establish. The second paragraph picks up a real pace, the rhythm of the sentences mimics the rhythm of the running. Nice work. I want to know what you’re running from.

    Target:
    There are a few clauses that seem out of place or perhaps inconsistent of your character; can you identify these and re-write them? I’m happy to go through this with you and explore how to re-draft.

React!