Classwork – 21/11/14

‘Sports people shouldn’t be seen as role models.’

Sportsmen and women don’t deserve the admiration that comes with reaching the top level of their respective game. They are severely overpaid, too; Premier League footballers earn astronomical wages, with an average salary of £2.3m a year, not to mention the millions they earn from sponsorship deals. They are also childish and irresponsible. Ched Evans, Jermaine Pennant and several other high-profile players have been convicted of crimes, with the former having been recently released following a sentence served for rape. The likes of Robin van Persie have also been on trial for alleged criminal offences. It’s disgraceful that they receive the idolisation that they do, isn’t it?

Well, actually, no. With the exception of the few sports people that have come under-fire or been convicted for alleged offences, sportsmen and women are nearly the perfect role models. Having devoted hundreds of thousands of hours to achieving their dreams, overcoming the millions and millions who didn’t make it to the highest level. No one has worked harder to get to where they are than the sportsmen you watch on television every week. Ronaldo, Messi, Farah, Ennis-Hill, Bolt. If these athletes didn’t deserve what they have, would they have all their supporters looking up to them? No.

Stars as revered as Manchester United striker Robin van Persie have faced trials for alleged criminal offences.


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One response to “Classwork – 21/11/14”

  1. jnorth Avatar
    jnorth

    Your first paragraph is very strong, with figurative vocabulary and clear examples that support your initial statement.

    I’m pleased that you have re-written the sentence at the bottom – it has a much better flow now.

    Targets:
    They are severely overpaid, too; – I think the comma here is a typo – please proof read and edit your work.

    Look at your final paragraph – rather than giving five personality names that are good examples of role models – why not focus on one and develop it.

    The tone in your second paragraph feels like it could be a conclusion – how might you use auxiliary and modal verbs to change this?

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